A mission was not in my plan. The "missionary age change" came about when I was a sophomore in high school. After that, people began to ask me if I was planning to serve. I would tell them that "if that is what God wants me to do, then I'll do it" and just left it at that. Throughout my senior year of high school, I prayed to Heavenly Father, asking if a mission was in His plan for me. I didn't seem to be getting answers, but I wasn't praying very fervently either. As my senior year came to an end, I decided that I'd just head to college and figure it out from there. (I wouldn't turn 19 until January so I planned to finish a semester of college regardless of my choice to serve a mission or not.) I did keep praying though, because although I didn't think that a mission was in God's plan for me, I wanted to be sure.
On July 8, 2015, I attended our final Seminary Council activity (I had served on my high school's seminary council that year.) As all of the guys had mission calls, that was the obvious topic of discussion for the day. I was talking to the girls and two of them had already started working on their papers although their birthdays are both in February. That made me realize that I should probably start thinking more seriously about this and make the decision now. I also had had a dream the night before that I had received and was opening my mission call, so missions were on my mind that entire day.
When I got home, I could not get the thought of a mission out of my head. I prayed...nothing came. I began to write in my journal about all of the concerns and worries I had about going-
[taken from my journal]
"I have been thinking about going on a mission a lot lately. I am still not set on either going or not, but it is coming up soon. I always said that I'd decide when I got to that point in life, but I'm here now and still have no idea-That's not true..I kind of have an idea, but I don't want to make any final decisions [without knowing for sure]...It's terrible to say this, but one of the biggest things that is holding me back from going is that I don't want to put my life on hold. It'd be really inconvenient. I know, that's a terrible reason. But I think that it'd be hard to only do a semester of school- then as soon as I've got it figured out leave. And have to start all over again when I got back. Also, it'd be hard because I have a contract for my housing that goes until next spring so I'd have to sell that-which is ify. And I'm excited to room with Makelle and if I sell my contract I'd feel bad because she'd have to have a new roommate. I'm also scared that everyone will kind of move on with their lives and I won't be apart of them anymore. And I'd be 3 semesters behind in school. These are all stupid reasons, I know, but these things do concern me. I think the biggest thing for me though, is I don't want to go on a mission just because everyone else is. If I knew for a fact that that is what I am supposed to do, then I would do it without question because I do want to go. Unfortunately, either I have a hard time hearing the spirit, or God wants me to work to get my answer, or he's leaving it up to me to decide."
After I wrote those words, "I became overwhelmed with the spirit...I stopped writing, got down on my knees, and started praying, asking if this was my answer. I then looked on the floor next to me and saw a little piece of paper that must have dropped out of my journal. It was small, simple, and maybe 3 sentences long testimony of Jesus Christ [that I wrote over a year ago.]"
I had never received a revelation so clearly in my life. I know that this experience was a definite answer to my prayers. That I need to share my testimony of our savior with those who do not know him. Hopefully I can share His love, and bring some of His light into their lives.
Looking back, there were a lot of times when I felt the spirit in seminary, at a fireside, during church, or when I was studying my scriptures and I'd immediately start thinking about going on a mission. Thinking about it now, there has been so many little things that have pointed me in this direction, I was just too stubborn and oblivious to see it at the time. God knew that I wasn't getting it. He finally had to blatantly point it out to me for me to understand. I am grateful that He did that, because now I have no doubt in my mind that this is His plan for me.
Sometimes I have thoughts that creep into my mind making me want to stay home because honestly, I love my life right now. I get to share a room with my best friend!, I have awesome roommates, and I'll be leaving a lot of amazing people behind. Whenever I am hanging out with friends I begin to realize how much I am going miss it all. After feeling these things for a week or so, I attended my institute class where I was reminded of an amazing principle: if you have doubts, go back to the initial feelings or promptings you felt, and rely on that. So when I get these feelings, I just think about that night back in July, and I realize that this choice will bring me unimaginable joy and is exactly what I should be doing in my life right now.
Love Always,
(soon to be) Sorella Bonzo
